So i have a few people I know who deal with chronic illness. I know some that are in chronic pain. Many of them would agree that somedays the meds just don't cut it.
Today is one of thos days for me. A few weeks ago they raised my doage for anti-depresents. Which has been working out pretty good. I've had fewer anxiety issues and when I do their not as severe as what got me sent back to hell. However this just takes what would have been an over whelming keep me in bed day to another just barely able to move out of bed after hitting snooze for an hour.
With depresion there doesn't always seems to be a reason why it strikes. But whatever the reason when it does every bad thing or thought seems to come to the for front of my brain. Today it's another on of those I miss my daughter so bad I want to curl up into a ball and cry. She is with her other mother in NM. When I told my future ex I was comeing back to hell she told me they were moving and that our daughter wasn't coming back from her summer trip to visit the grand parents in NM. She said I could move out there to a town a couple miles away but she was not going to leave her with me and has no intention of split our daughter from the new child the future ex had with her BF. Talk about a smack in the head.
It's hard to explain what it feels like. The strugle it takes to get up out of bed and get moving for the day. It sometimes takes so much effort that it leaves me feeling drained by the time I get to the door. Those who deal with mental and chronic illness may be able to relate. Trying to force yourself to do the things you need to do in order survive (eating, hygiene and work) becomes the main priority. Forget most days doing those things that make you happy.
However I have no doubt this day would be worse if the meds hadn't been increased. At least I made it out the door.
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