Sorry I lied

It wasn’t really a lie but more of the fact I was hiding the truth. I have been hit with the fact that certain people want the “old me” back and that is where the perception of the lie comes in. I just didn’t know how to tell people that I knew I was supposed to be born a girl. Some people actually mean well when they say they wish I” would have said something sooner. Their reasoning is that they wish they could have helped me get the help I need sooner. If they had I would have never been able to have a biological child, and my little gem is the bright spot in my life.

The one that truly hurts is when someone tells you that they wish you would have something sooner so that they could have adjusted to it easier. When someone says this I can’t help but wonder if they would have handled it any better. And then they act like it is completely alright to be insensitive and make certain comments. When I get upset I’m over reacting.

What brings this about? Well tonight I went out with friends and a couple family members. While out one friend shows up who has known me since elementary school. She doesn’t even seem to try to remember my new name and keeps using the masculine pronouns. This hurts but what hurt even more was when joking around with B about flashing him (which I have no intentions of doing because we were in public and he is related by blood) and he says in a load voice while outside the bar that I still have a dick and he would kick it. I asked him to tone down on the dick statements and he refused because as family he has the right. I walked off.

We did talk about it after and he says that it’s hard for him to adjust. We have hashed this conversation out a few times. He feels that there is a certain amount of pain he is going thru. I explained that I understood but by him making those comments it could put my life in jeopardy. There are still some people willing to kill a transgendered person.   He said he would protect me. I tried to explain he can’t always be there.

 While some may feel betrayed that I did not tell them sooner I don’t think they understand the true amount of pain a Trans person goes through by having to keep the secret. Which can be one of the hardest parts of being trans.